The ascendance to ultimate power is and never will be, by any means, easy. One must toss aside any scrap of moral dignity if one seeks to gain ultimate power.

One must truly embrace the raw Cluster Dean spirit burrowed internally, and this is exactly what our newly elected Cluster Dean, Kanye Northeast, did.

In an interview, Northeast said, “Now that I have reached the height of institutional power, I demand that I be addressed as Emperor Kanye or, alternatively, The Emperor.”

Many students and faculty members were originally opposed to The Emperor’s affinity for glory. A few weeks before the Cluster Dean campaign, Mr. Goodswell of the English Department said, “I don’t think that Mr. Northeast should be running for Cluster Dean. His beliefs seem unethical, and he seems an unworthy candidate for the prestigious position.”

Mysteriously, Mr. Goodswell went missing for several weeks until yesterday. When asked why he went missing, he refused to respond.

When asked about opinions of The Emperor, he did respond, “The Emperor and King of All That Lives is a humble and honest man. I firmly believe that he deserved to be selected as Cluster Dean.”

It seems that there are some rather fickle faculty members here on campus.

In fact, everyone seems to have taken an immediate and profound liking to The Emperor ever since he was appointed.

Timmy Jr. ’19, forced to stand on his head in Samuel Phillips Hall after having interrupted The Emperor during class, offered his opinions on the new Cluster Dean: “I love Emperor Kanye. He is great.” Additionally, Timmy was wearing a sign that read: “I <3 EMPEROR KANYE.”

It seems that students are enthralled to see Emperor Kanye redefining The Andover Experience.